I cannot sleep tonight. My mind is distracted by the subtle tremors in my hands and legs, a recent side effect of one of the dozen or so medications I now take. My life looks drastically different from four months ago.

On May 20, I discovered I had a congenital benign tumor on my brain stem. What followed has no rhyme or reason. I started experiencing very disabling psychomotor defects, sometimes resulting in full body “seizing” and uncontrollable eye sensitivity to sun and fluorescent lights.

From all this and three hospitalizations later, I find myself unemployed and no contact with my children. Seeing me in the state I was in was too much. My heart aches while I lie in bed every night. I am just pushing the mortgage past due amount down the road every month that passes.

What I cannot comprehend is how life can give so many losses at once. Now, my family is signing Power of Attorney paperwork for me, and reducing my monthly expenses, resetting passwords for all my online accounts. I go to intensive outpatient three days a week, and try to navigate the welfare application processes.

I have had 15 years of amazing jobs paying more than I really needed, and now I do not see anything remaining from them.

But this isn’t meant to be a woe is me post. Or maybe it actually has morphed into something a lot like woe is me. I was never great at networking. My brain goes somewhere else when I am listening to people tell me their life stories. But it is still my favorite thing to hear.

I would give up every single possession I have to see my kids again. And I trust that day will come, hopefully very soon. And if you are reading this and happen to be in a financial overflow, please consider contributing to my numerous expenses. Connections with CPA jobs, send them my way.

When life deals such a losing hand of cards, somewhere out there a winning hand is waiting to assist. I just haven’t found the one who has one.