The thing I love about a daily blog is there are so many directions I could take this. I could speak one day about personality types and the next day about a global crisis. I could vent about dealing with the flu last week as a single co-parent or reminisce on my birth story 13 years ago. Above all, I hope that what I can bring to you, the reader, is something to think about that you might not have come across before.

Today, I think it is time to talk about perinatal mood and anxiety disorders (PMADs). Somehow through my recent activity and categorization of this blog, it was suggested for me to follow the Postpartum Support International group. I was blown away by the organization and everything it is here to do, and wondered why I hadn’t ever heard of this before especially during my experiences before and after the birth of my son.

I quickly jumped head-first into every opportunity I had to be a part of this group, which led me to applying to be a PSI Coordinator Volunteer. In a few terms, I would be someone who could refer those experiencing symptoms of perinatal mental disorders to local resources and help educate and advocate in the community regarding this prevalent experience.

Why does this all mean so much to me? Because I was one of those impacted in a significant way by the struggle of dealing with a severe illness following the birth of my first child. I am lucky to have had the guidance of my midwife, my family, doctors, and therapists to recover fully over the first year post-partum. Since that time, I have always wondered why we don’t talk about this more. The stigma and self-shame surrounding PMADs is overwhelming in America. So, it is time to talk.

So far from my training there are a few statistics that are helpful. From a large-scale (over 10,000 participants) study for the span of one year post-partum, the following was found:

• 80% of women experience the “baby blues” as hormones regulate in the first few weeks following birth, which is not a mental disorder
• 1 in 7 women have serious depression and/or anxiety within 3 months of birth
• 1 in 5 women experience post-partum depression within one year of birth
• 1 in 10 fathers experience post-partum depression, and
• 1 in 500 women are diagnosed with post-partum psychosis

I am that 1 in 500. And I have had a hard time talking about this for a very long time. It is easy to say “I had severe post-partum after my son was born.” I always leave out the actual type of post-partum. I thought it meant because I was capable of losing reality in those circumstances, I must have a propensity for psychosis in any other circumstance. And this means I must be unfit for society in general. This is all a BIG FAT LIE. Post-partum psychosis (PPP) typically is onset within the first two weeks following childbirth and can often follow an extreme drop in hormones, particularly adrenaline. It is exacerbated by persistent sleep deprivation. And it really only occurs for birthing mothers, rather than any caregiver like any other PMAD can affect.

This is all because it is hormonally-driven, or biological in nature. In fact, the intrusive and damaging thoughts that occur during PPP also occur in other PMADs. The main difference is for other PMADs, these thoughts seem foreign and “wrong” to the affected individual, while PPP individuals in the moment of those thoughts believe them to be true and in line with their reality. Post-partum psychosis must be identified quickly and treated immediately usually with a combination of hospitalization and intensive medication treatment. One of the other unique characteristics of PPP is the psychotic thoughts/behaviors are generally waxing and waning, meaning the person could have normal thoughts and behaviors for a period of time and then have a break with reality the next moment, and back and forth.

My psychosis began the moment test results came back negative for a metabolic blood disorder for my son, after a week of intense genetic doctor visits and specialized formula and B12 shots and concern of possibly raising a very sick child. The adrenaline carrying me through that week vanished in an instant and the sleep deprivation (meaning zero sleep) of the five days before caused a major shift in my brain. I distinctly remember the second this occurred, because it felt like a rubber bouncing ball started bouncing back and forth inside my head as though my skull was vacant and filled with air. Weird, huh?

Within 24 hours, I found myself in a crisis center and then attempting to fill a prescription. Two days later, I was being evaluated and admitted into a psychiatric hospital. Over the next month, I would be discharged and readmitted to another hospital. Four months after my son was born, I was finally able to be employed in a very low-key data-entry position even though I had just graduated with my Bachelors in Accounting. Ten months after the start, I finally felt normal and began my career in Accounting with a bank audit team.

You have heard me describe my life-long battle with major depressive disorder and might wonder if one caused the other. While having MDD can increase my risk of a post-partum disorder, I to this day hold my post-partum disorder completely separate from any ongoing mental illness. What medical professionals are certain of is that PMADs are 100% temporary illnesses, for the fact they are caused by sensitivity to hormonal/biological changes (along with psychosocial and concurrent stressors).

I will leave you with these three things, which is the motto of PSI:

• You are not alone – the statistics above show how common this occurs for any person during or after pregnancy, loss, adoption, or fertility treatments (including non-birthing individuals)
• You are not to blame – having a PMAD does not in any way relate to your ability as a parent or caregiver to your child, post partum is the cause for difficulty in connecting with a child rather than the other way around
• With help, you will be well – the more we talk about this, destroy the stigma and shame surrounding it, and provide resources for help, the faster people will recover from this; this is temporary

Thank you for taking time to read about something you might not have expected to read about, and please talk more if you or someone you know has experienced post-partum mental illness.